In search of the perfect camping trip

By Sharon Falsetto guest author

My husband has decided that the next camping trip will be the 'perfect' camping trip; the one where we don't forget anything and don't lose anything...

Camping, in the real sense of the word, is relatively new to me; growing up in England, our vacations consisted of a week or two 'caravaning' usually in the pouring rain. So when my husband suggested camping, as in a tent, I enthusiastically agreed. I think that was back in the early stages of our relationship, so not a lot of real thought went into it on my part....

So, summer rolled round, the tent and provisions were thrown in the back of the truck and we drove half an hour from home up Oak Creek Canyon. Living in Sedona, Arizona, sunshine is more or less guaranteed for about 75% of the year, so I didn't really have any worries about those rain-sodden memories of England. We got there, threw up the tent in half an hour and away we went. Or not, as the case was...

Cooking in the great outdoors was something I had been looking forward to, being a rare treat in England. Steak and BBQ at the ready – except fire restrictions had come into place the day before we arrived ; no campfire cooking then. And no campfire stories. At least, not on this trip...

The next trip was a bit of a wash out weather wise and we came home early so we won't even revisit that one. Moving on... The following summer we decided to get a bit more adventurous and planned an expedition to the North Rim of the Grand Canyon. I say expedition, as by now we had progressed to larger tent and more accessories meaning planning and packing took a little longer than our first carefree trip.

The truck packed to bursting point we began our five hour drive. It was a bit of a windy day and we were on the open road, speeding along, when......wasn't that my pillow flying past the window – and the air mattress too? (I never said I did basic camping, even if in a tent). The brakes slammed on and the pillow was chased down, tumbling up the road, although its cover was lost forever to desert wilderness, as it disappeared over the horizon somewhere. The air mattress was retrieved, although not without damage. The next few nights were spent in an inventive game called 'spot where the next hole in the air mattress is?' to avoid ending up sleeping on the ground by morning. No one ever did win that one...

Camping at the Grand Canyon brings in a strange array of people. There's those who think pulling up in a multi million dollar RV bigger than our house qualifies as camping, and then there's those who will make the most basic 'home away from home'
their pride and joy. Our neighbors on this particular trip provided me with more entertainment than the weekly soaps. I couldn't figure out if this was their first trip, or just something they always did, but as they spoke little English, this mystery was never solved.

Setting up camp for them meant a lot of interaction between father and son about the 'correct' way to put the tent up, interspersed with mother sweeping clean the space, with a broom, where the tent was going to be situated. My curious gaze must have caught their attention, as father cheerily waved and shouted something that resembled a greeting. I waved back vaguely and continued to pretend to read my book. I wasn't sure if he wanted me to partake in the going-ons.....

I am sure my morning rituals provided the same source of entertainment for them. I am not a girl who spends three days in the wilderness without her make-up bag – even if my hair resembled something like a scarecrow, I was going to have the perfect face. So each morning, I went through the same routine as I do at home. I couldn't decide if it was a blessing or a curse, but this particular campsite actually had flushing toilets, with tiled floors and a mirror over the sink. And joy, oh joy! There was an electric socket to plug my hair straighteners into!! You know what I mean, girls....

Anyway, our final trip of the camping year saw us back up Oak Creek Canyon, at a different camp ground. We had a beautiful spot down by the creek, not within sight or sound of any other campers; which was just as well really as now we had our own mini campground – sleeping tent (the upgrade); small tent (previously sleeping tent and now provisions storage); table canopy to keep out those nasty creepy, crawly things that seem to come with camping, kitchen (sorry camp) table, hammock and not forgetting the new air mattress....

Setting up camp now took a little longer, but hey this is what I call camping – well nearly. Bathroom suite would be nice......'Maybe next year', muses my husband. This time I had brought some aromatherapy candles to keep those bugs at bay but......settled comfy and warm in my luxurious multitude of blankets, pillows and comforters, dropping off to sleep, I see a huge spider trying to snuggle down with me. Screaming loudly, I call for my husband, who has stepped outside to use the 'bathroom facilities'.

'Don't be such a girl', he calls, nonchalantly carrying on. 'But I am a girl!!' I sob, desperately searching for the eight legged monster who has invaded my cocoon. By the time he comes back inside, I have located the critter and smashed it into a million pieces...

Then, there's the tale about the fish – the one that got away.....so onto plan B, burgers. Except, the meat is no where to be found. After much debate, it is decided that my husband will go back into town and pick up some more. I thought about the shower, the warm water, the hairdryer, all within reach of this.......But, no, I would stay and guard the camp from those critters and creatures lurking in the bush somewhere.

So, now I was without transport, communication (no cell phone coverage here) and life support (internet connection). Just me and the critters. Would I ever be seen again? It did cross my mind that my husband may not return, or may return showered and clean, and here I was all alone and looking like I hadn't seen the inside of a shower for 3 days... I think that was what kept the critters at bay for the next hour or so, as I tried to relax and enjoy my surroundings....

Well, he did return and we had our dinner and the next day we went home, where I could take off my hat, which had become a permanent fixture to replace my lack of hairstyle, take a shower and feel like a girl again. I can't wait to do it all again next year....

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Reprinted by permission from Sharon Falsetto.
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